I started pretty darn useful because I was dedicated to bring you, the public, all the things I found useful or the utter fails in my life so that you could learn from my mistakes. However, even I must be schooled sometimes. Even I must admit to being guilty of thinking I’m above and beyond some solid rules, that my swag is so on point, I can pull almost anything. I am wrong most of these times and dear reader, so are you. The difference between me and all the rest of the folks out there you’re laughing at???
I have a No Man. Or two.
A cute black shirt for A….
This blog post is a very serious warning and reminder to everyone out there. I hope you take what I have to say to you seriously because some of you, don’t have NO men. I consider myself to be a generally fashion conscious girl. I don’t wear denim on the top and denim on the bottom. The hint of a mom jean sends me scurrying away. Even a somewhat cute pair of sneakers was rejected because they were CROCS and since I am not 3, 300, or in the medical profession, it’s no bueno. I wear what I like, with my own flair, not afraid to break a rule here or there, but the goal is to always not end up on some website being mocked. However, I must admit, I have my moments of aiming to high, of believing that since I am me, and I am a Diva, I can “Pull it Off”. This is where the NO man comes into play. I was reminded of this pre-vacation when my co-workers saved me from a potential Hawaiian shirt disaster. More on that later.
What is a no man you ask? A NO man is that person in your life that will tell you when you’re DEAD wrong, that person that isn’t concerned with hurting your feelings and will say, yes those jeans make you look fat. Kevin Hart had it absolutely right, everyone needs a NO man. You don’t think so? Spend 10 minutes in your local Wal-Mart, K-Mart (if you can find one), any nightclub, or even your local mall, and you’ll see people walking around in things that convince you they either A. don’t own a mirror or B. Have no friends. However, it’s usually option C. that is plaguing our woman wearing pants that clearly give her camel toe, her circle of trust does not include a NO man. Examples from my own life…
- The cute little sequined black jacket that I thought would be so nice on those evenings out and my friend told me that “Estelle Getty wore it on her nights out too. NO.”
- The Cheetah print pants I ogled, but am clearly too curvy to pull off without being dead wrong – there was a full Facebook intervention on that one and my boyfriends favorite line, “You could pull it off, but why would you want to?” His nice way of not ending up getting the hairy eyeball. NO.
- Any turtle neck – I look like “A golf ball on top of a tee.” NO.
- Everything my boyfriend says that “reminds him of my mom.” NO.
- Finally and the most recent example – the His and Hers matching Hawaiin shirts. NO.
And the matching one for me! Cute… NO!
His and hers matching Hawaiian shirts for vacation, cute right? No. It’s not cute and if I hadn’t been in such a pre-cruise dither, I would have known I was dead wrong, thank god for my NO man/woman at work. Dear readers, I hope you have a NO man and if you don’t…get one. Email me pictures, I’ll let you know. For your pleasure on the next post, I will include some general rules and signs that you don’t have a NO man…things to look out for.
NO Man – Pretty DAMN USEFUL!
P.S. If we ever institute Hawaiian shirt Friday’s at work as has been previously threatened, I’m ordering this shirt because I am still convinced that ALONE, I can totally pull it off. #swag.
Pretty Da** Useful 